Love

This morning I'm watching the light rise in the sky. The ceiling of the world shifts gradually from midnight navy to deep cerulean to baby blue. The sun catches the clouds one by one and washes them pink. DiMarco’s song, “It is Well,” is playing, and I remember all those nights over the last five years when I walked and sang to myself under the stars, trusting that somehow God’s grace upon grace would be enough to pull me forward. My life felt like a small boat in a storm, far from familiar shores. There were weeks when I could not get my bearings at all. The person I thought I was seemed to have been an illusion – a temporary skin which worked for me in a season and now must be shed. But the agony was that shedding my old skin left me raw and vulnerable. I did not recognize the new person staring back at me in the mirror. I have changed more in the last five years that in any other period of my life.

What transformed me? Most of all, reading the text of the Bible in the original languages. I’m grateful for our English translations, because they give us the basic content and narrative lines. We have the gospel—the good news, and it is life-giving! But encountering the original text was like finally meeting the child one has carried in the womb for nine months. I am deeply altered by a great, consuming love for the child. No one ever explained to me that I might love the text like this and, if I did, it would change my universe.

This educational journey all started with a simple decision: I wanted to love God with all of my mind. In order to do that, I wanted to focus on pursuing a disciplined, systematic study of the scriptures. Once my commitment was launched and it had a location (in a seminary), my life became stressful, complicated, and challenging. Every week, I wondered if I could actually get all the work done. It seemed strange that so many additional requirements could be attached to one simple decision to love. But isn’t that just like bringing a new baby home? At first glance, loving the baby is simple, and then it will never be simple again.

Now, as I look back over these five years, I see love. From this distance, I can see that love pushed my boat forward on stormy waters, far from home, and love inspired me to give my best years to study, and love changed me in the journey. The transformation came because love was directed towards grasping the truth of God, and God was pleased to meet with me and engage me in learning.  

Truth in love was the reason I came here to study. 
Truth in love is the reason why I have changed. 
Truth in love is why I'm moving forward to more learning.  

Here’s the song I used to sing to myself at night: “It is Well,” by Kristene DiMarco.